People who dress their dogs in clothes are stupid.

That’s what I’ve always said.

I don’t know which is worse– big dogs wearing those neckerchiefs that make them look like the canine version of tennis-playing guys that tie sweaters around their shoulders, or small dogs tricked out like hairy little Barbies with cutesy sweaters and tiny little dresses. Bleh.

It just seems WRONG, on so many levels. I mean, there are people running around naked in… OK, I don’t actually know what part of the world people are running around naked in (though I’d love to go, because I could totally blog the heck out of that), but probably somewhere they are, and anyway, my point is that they don’t have clothes and yet a bunch of dogs in America do.

You can see where I’m going with this, right?

You’re about to see what happens when you allow yourself to walk down the pet aisle in Target with your children and you’re kinda tired so your resistance is down and they start holding up these little outfits and at first you laugh and then you start thinking, “You know, Pip does get cold outside sometimes…” and also “Well, they ARE on sale…” and then in a weak moment you say yes and if you say yes once, well, basically you’re screwed because you just became one of those stupid people.

***EDITED TO ADD***  I feel compelled to add a slight caveat here: though yes, it is true that I bankrolled the following ensembles, I did not pick them out. Which of course doesn’t make me any less culpable, I realize that. But it does make me feel ever-so-slightly better to place blame on my innocent children. Thank you.

Behold my (and their) humiliation:

**What you can’t see is that this is actually a letter sweater. Yeah. Like Pip made the varsity.

**Frighteningly enough, Thea actually seems to LIKE wearing clothes. Look at her facial expression. She thinks she looks pretty hot.

**Phoebe, on the other hand? HATED it so much that she froze stockstill in this position and refused to move until we took off that dumbass sweater. We never did it again.

**I’ll admit it, this is my favorite. Pip is sleeping here next to baby Thea wearing his rhinestoned skull shirt. Hey, give him some respect, not everybody could successfully pull that look off.

**These were actually Build-A-Bear Workshop doll pajamas.

**Pip rocking the polo shirt– obviously, he wasn’t feeling this one. (Best part? The little label on the back says “I hate cats.”)

**Phoebe’s sweater totally works on Thea.


(Unless I start carrying them around in my purse, or wheeling them around in one of those doggy strollers. If that happens? Seriously, just go ahead and shoot me.)

33 Responses

  1. LindaB

    OMG!!!! I can’t believe it!!!! I’m with Phoebe! Animal rights groups should be sueing Target!

    But hey, who am I to talk? I just spent the last hour running around town, including our local tractor and farm store, for supplies to save the life of my granddaughter’s chinchilla. We think he has, trying not to be too graphic, medical issues with his digestion. We bought physllium husks, electrolyte water, peppermint leaves, probiotics, and a little tiny baby bottle meant for kittens. The only thing we didn’t buy him was a new spring outfit with matching shoes! I do really want this chinchilla to live—-he makes my granddaughter happy!

    Oh, and about the place where they run around naked? It’s called MTV.

  2. gracelynn

    I’m like you Linda. I’m with Phoebe. But then again, my brother and dad have put hats on our horses and taken picture of them so…..

    And hey, it’s not like we haven’t done crazy things to save our pets so don’t feel bad Linda…you haven’t lived until you have to do the running around to tractor and farm stores for a HORSE! YES – you read it right…a horse. Dad had to go and try to find some special feed for one of our older horses because she was having some ailments and the mixed feed that we usually give them just wasn’t working. And I can tell you, vaccinating a horse is not a fun job. Neither is trimming their feet. Try holding a hoof and praying that a fly doesn’t land on their back and they kick. That would be a good picture for a poster. And my brother’s poor dog…bless her heart. She contracted Lyme’s disease and my mom and brother did everything they could to take care of her as long as she wasn’t hurting. My brother and I saw what my mom will be like as a grandmother if she ever gets that chance. I hope your granddaughter’s chinchilla makes it through.

    And you are right – it’s MTV. Ask the kids I teach.

  3. carsmith

    Oh this is scary!!! Pip, Phoebe and Thea almost got personalized neckware at Christmas. You know how I like to put names or initials on stuff. I almost made all the Smedley/Taff animals a scarf for their neck. I mean they all show up for the family dinners and never are dressed for the occasion. I knew I couldn’t leave out Buttons and then there’s Kim’s 2 or is it 3 poodles and couldn’t leave out Stuarts but didn’t know names or neck sizes. Wouldn’t they have all looked outstanding for a group picture if I had made them. Feelings might have been hurt because Pip might have liked Buttons scarf better. I could see fights breaking out and just decided to give aprons instead. Not to the dogs…to the gals. Don’t worry about the clothes, it’s when you start talking to them like they are people that is a concern……ok, you already do. Poor Russ.

  4. themema

    Ok, just in case you feel the need to increase their wardrobe, the sales are on!!!!!!

    Personally, I like the big polo mesh.

  5. tori

    Oh and carsmith, you KNOW how much Russ enjoys those dogs…. ;)

  6. themema
  7. tori

    themema–If I ever even LOOK like I’m thinking about spending $195 for a cashmere dog sweater, you have my permission to punch me in the face.

  8. carsmith

    I’m concerned about Pip and Phoebe. They both look traumatized while Thea seems to be going with the flow. Sure hope they don’t need counseling. Looks like their self confidence when downhill and they look sooooo ashamed. Maybe I’m reading too much in the pictures. Watch them close tonight………never know.

  9. auburn60

    Ya’ll are all nuts.

  10. tori

    What is even more tragic about these photos is that they cover a span of about two years. That’s right, we have been DRESSING OUR DOGS in human clothing for a very long time!
    We’ve given up on Phoebe, Pip seems to like some outfits more than others (obviously– HATED the polo, feels pretty studly in his skull shirt) and Thea? Well, Thea is kinda oblivious.

  11. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Oh, I think they all look so c-u-t-e. Must tell you that I laughed all the way through those pictures….but it was an appreciative laugh cause I think they are adorable!

  12. tori

    Yeah, but tell the truth Momma Lloyd– Lucy has too much self-respect to ever allow something like this!

  13. CarolynR

    I’m with Phoebe and auburn60 “Ya’ll are all nuts”!!

    Tried to dress up our cat when I was a kid. Am still carrying those scars!

  14. kwr221

    Phoebe is one smart dog.

    You would NEVER catch a cat in one of those get ups.

  15. LindaB

    Gracelynn, I’m still laughing at the thought of your dad and brother putting hats on horses and taking their picture!!!! That just cracks me up! There has to be a support group out there somewhere, perhaps in Amish country, for folks who are compelled to do that! But then again, “the family that plays together, stays together”!

  16. LindaB

    Gracelynn, I think if you start noticing your dad and brother headin’ out to the barn with a stack of hats every night, you might consider an intervention. Maybe you could get some help from the 4H club.

  17. teegees

    Well, I must confess, we DO dress our doggies. It started out as a “jeepers, they get really cold outside in the winter” type thing. But who were we kidding, we were just caving in to our inner Elle Woods.

    I will say, after visiting the Ralph Lauren site, I’m not quite sure what need a Yorkshire Terrier has of a “down shooting vest”. The very idea of a tiny little dog with a fire arm sends me running for cover. We have a Chihuahua and I KNOW how much anger those little dogs have been repressing…

    Note to LindaB, I’ve heard that raisins have laxative effects on chinchillas. Also, you might check and see if the laxative they sell at pet stores for ferrets will work. It’s a gel type, eerily similar to A & D Ointment (eww) but it did the trick for our sickly little ferret a while back. You just put it little on your finger and poke it in his mouth. Good luck!

  18. LindaB

    Thank you, teegees! I appreciate your advice! Actually, our little guy is better today! Yippee!

  19. belinda

    I think Pip, Thea & Phoebe all look so cute in their outfits. Hey if they will wear them, go for it. Thea does look a lot happier in that sweather than Phoebe did.

    Our dogs on the other hand would do everything within their power to get anything off of them that we put on them. They are a little bit bigger, okay a lot bigger. I can’t imagine what a sweater would cost for them. Will just let you guys will cute little dogs dress yours.

    Linda, we have been right there with you trying to save our pets. They are members of our families after all.

  20. Chubs

    All be it cute and all. That is why dogs have FUR!! Like I need one more thing to get dressed in the mornings. I have three kids 5 and under that need to be dressed. I would never get to work… wait… hmmm maybe I need to dress the dogs!!! :)

  21. Phyllis S

    Some people are just not right ((((((((())))))))), but then I guess we know that or we would not be on this blog site.

  22. teegees

    By the way, I thought I’d mention, we haven’t started dressing the ferret>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>yet…

  23. Max D

    Gracious! I love this and you can color me the “most stupid of the stupid.” My Zoe loves her clothes and is dressed everyday. Sometimes (in winter) in the layered long sleeve T with tank over or sweaters. Then when she has to go out to do the “deed” she has to wear 1 of 5 coats/jackets over. In the summer, she wears tanks, light weight T’s, and sun dresses with ruffles and bows! I know – I have way too much time on my hands. But, she loves it! If I take something off her and don’t immediately dress her she is a true nudge until she gets something on again. She doesn’t like the bare look! Plus in the winter she does get cold in the house as it is only 66. Shih Tzu’s, like Yorkies, don’t have fur rather hair with no undercoat. Let’s keep these puppies warm and “stylin’ “. Loved this blog and happy to know that you’ve been a “closet dresser” for over two years!

  24. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Gracious, I’ve seen photos of Zoe in some of her outfits and she is cute as a button….very much the little princess.

    My little Lucy likes the feeling of being unclothed. She runs uninhibited around the house. There is no modesty here. Perhaps she is going through “the change,” because she is very hot natured. And she’ll hike her leg for a belly rub at the drop of a hat. Did I say she is uninhibited? But, she’s sweet.

  25. gracelynn

    Linda, I never said my parents and brother weren’t insane LOL. Trust me, this is the “house of insanity”. When you live on a farm, you have plenty of material to write about. I could tell you some stories that would have your sides hurting from laughing. Just ask my friends Wanda or Christine. ;)

  26. BrownEyedGirl

    Too cute!!! I don’t have a dog, but have been guilty of dressing my Mother in law’s yorkie. On our family vacation at the beach , we have theme nights when we take turns cooking. We did a Jimmy Buffett “Cheeseburger in Paradise ” night and bought the dog a Hawaiian shirt and a lei. My sister in law did a pirate night , giving the dog a skull and crossbone bandana and a cardboard eye patch – that he actually wore!!

  27. Pearl

    We had a black lab who disappeared in the dark. I can’t tell you the number of times Beloved and I would almost break our own necks to avoid stepping on her. Finally, I thought I had the ideal answer. I made her three neck scarves out of white, red and gold shiny satin. My “reasoning” was that the fabric would at least reflect a little light and make her visible. (Kind of like the bandages on the “Invisible Man”) She wasn’t really crazy about the idea but she tolerated our nonsense, probably chalking it up to one more wacko human weirdness. (She couldn’t understand our willingness to get in the shower either.)
    It helped as long as we remembered to pur her “pajamas” on when she came in for the night. Sure do miss that dog.

  28. rockin robyn

    I sooooooo would love to get a little ankle biter…. ever since I bought my own house – going on six years now, my siblings keep bugging me to get a dog. The scale is so tipped toward “no” because one – it’s just me and I’d feel bad that the poor thing is here for about 8 hours by his lonesome everyday, and “B” the expense of taking care of the furry child. In order for it to love you back you’d have to buy it things like, like food for instance and if it would get sick or have illnesses – well I’m scared of the vet costs.

    But I love seeing pictures of Phoebe. That’s the kind of furry creature I’d love to get and yes I’d soooo clothe him.

    I remember our dog Tosh (when we were still at home)… my sister put deer antlers on him around Christmas time and I can still see him now (rest his soul) running around the house with them on (trying in the worst way to shake them off), finally stopping and bowing his head up and down and using his paw to try to push this dumb thing off his head. We laughed until we cried at that whole scene. After my sister finally took them off of him, any time Tosh would see you with the stuffed doggie antlers (in hand) headed his way he would growwwwllll!

  29. auburn60

    OK- here’s a proposal. I have a Great Pyrenees, a St.Bernard, and a neurotic Beagle. Any one out there who feels spunky enough to come over and dress them, I’ll take the pictures. I bet Tori would even be willing to put said photos on this site.

  30. LindaB

    Well, for the first two, I think I have a couple old dresses that will fit them…….with a tuck taken here and there! But I’m not going to be the one to put them on them——-I want my face to stay right where it is…….only maybe up a little. I don’t want to be a chew toy!

  31. LindaB

    I forgot to ask if your bigger dogs are male or female, Alyson!

    Oh no, could there be cross dressing canines? That’s a whole other can of worms!

  32. auburn60

    The a female, the Pyrenees is a male, Beagle is a female.

    Cross-dressing doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother them. They all have so many issues,what’s one more?

  33. nashbabe

    The skully’s not so bad.

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