Why Women Friends Are Necessary To Life– Kinda Like Oxygen.

I just ordered a memoir from Amazon.com– “The Middle Place” by Kelly Corrigan. Obviously I haven’t read it yet, so um, this isn’t a book review or anything. But I stumbled across this little video and it moved me enough to order the book, so I wanted to share it with you guys.

I am a huge proponent of women friends. I can chart my life by the women God chose to bring into it at any given time. I have had some friends for over 30 years, and I have some new ones that I just made this past year. My friends are a diverse group (all different ages, political and religious affiliations, locations, economic levels, etc.) and a pretty select one– I have lots and lots of acquaintances, but my Real Friends are definitely more of a “quality not quantity” kind of thing. One of my favorite surprises about Babybloomr.com is that it has brought even more friends into my life, and I am so grateful– didn’t see that coming when I began blogging! So, in celebration of all of the incredible, funny, wise, loving, strong women friends in my life, here is a lovely essay about what we mean to each other:

21 Responses

  1. auburn60

    I hate to admit it, but I came late to the ‘women as best friends’ party. For most of my life, my best,closest friends have been men. The one or two people I keep up with from high school are male. All the people I’ve worked with through the years that I relied on, confided in and cried with,were male. I found the relationships to be a balance–a yin to yang–if you will. I think maybe I was always intimidated by ‘perfect women, perfect mothers, perfect wives’. I knew I was none of those. Maybe I could let my rough edges show more with men.
    While I take NOTHING away from my men friends, I have come to appreciate and cultivate female friends. I am in awe constantly at the way women just ‘get on with it’,whatever the task. When there is a crisis,we have the casserole in the oven, the house cleaned and the kids sorted out while the men are still trying to find their car keys.
    Birth,death and illness seem to bring on some kind of adrenaline rush.
    We can leap large piles of laundry in a single bound. And when the crisis is over, we can pick up where we left off, after we have verbally reflected on every detail with our gal pals. That conversational give-and-take seems to be an integral part of the process of healing.
    I think ‘funny,wise,loving and strong’ women run the world–and should be celebrated.

  2. tori

    Auburn, you just wrote your own essay!

  3. tammy961

    Oh my, Tori. There is moisture all over my keyboard and I am looking at a blurry screen. This was totally amazing. I, also, have quality friends instead of quantity. Don’t get me wrong, after 17 years as a teacher, I have many,many acquaintances. But my true blue friends can be counted on 1 hand–and in return–I am a true blue friend to them. This short video said all that needs to be said. We devoted women can handle almost any curveball that life throws our way. Often it is with tears and a smile at the same time. How many times I have battled cancer, yet never to have actually had the horrible disease myself. When they hurt, I hurt….Thank you for reminding me just how wonderful it is to have that special little network of close friends and also for reminding me just how special it is to BE that friend. You know the one–the one who you always call cause you just know she will ALWAYS be there and come a runnin’….Moste definitely with food or a yummy chocolatey dessert.
    I just imagine you also are that sort of friend……
    God Bless….Gotta’ run and send that sweet video to my “girls”


  4. gracelynn

    I’m like you auburn….I’ve never had very many women that I could call friends. But the few I have had, I have been blessed by. I grew up surrounded by male cousins that were practically (and still are) brothers in my eyes so I was a tomboy type. Somehow I’ve always related better to men than women. LOL I can definitely count my true friends on one hand and am proud to count those precious souls as friends. And yes, there are some women there LOL. Sadly, the majority of my true friends do not live near me so I cannot see them daily, get together and eat often, or call for free. But the times we do spend together are treasured moments that I never take for granted and always remember when things get rough. And I know when the going gets tough, I can pick up the phone or hit the Internet and say, “Hey I need you” and they’ll be there, waiting. Probably the dearest friend that I have is a guy that I’ve known since I was 5 and he truly is someone that I know, no matter how we may drift apart over time, I can always find him by calling his mom if necessary and say tell him to give me a call or e-mail me. And he always has, with words of prayer and encouragement.

  5. BrownEyedGirl

    Great video. I admire people who can maintain those kinds of relationships.

    This always sounds so pathetic if you don’t know me, but I don’t really have any friends, I tend to distance myself when people get close – I am always there for people when needed and am the first to make chicken soup when someone is sick. ( If I lived closer to Nashville, I would have cooked for the Taff’s :o)

  6. LindaB

    That was a moving video, Tori. And your words were beautiful too, Alyson!

    I’ve been blessed to have many women friends in my life—–some I’ve had since junior high school! One of those friends from grade school was also in my wedding and I in hers. We’ve kept in touch over the years, and recently, she found out she had a rare form of uterine cancer. Her husband had taken off all the time he could from his job to care for her, so she asked me if I’d come one day a week to stay with her. I said of course. So every Thursday I’d drive over to her house, walk in the unlocked front door because she couldn’t get out of bed to open it, and walk in the bedroom where she was lying, and my heart would actually hurt as I saw her lying there—–the last potent round of chemo had taken her hair, her strength, her color, her appetite, but not her smile nor her will to live. I gave her her medicines, a drink of water, saltine crackers, and when she felt like it, some chicken soup. We looked at wig catalogs and she picked one out. But mostly I just held her hand as we talked about our lives since high school……..how they paralleled each other, and how they sometimes took totally different directions. She needed to talk about all the good times and the funny stories, to find some balance between past joys and the present hell that she was going through. She didn’t say it, but I felt she was afraid of drowning in fear and dread…..and bad news. Stories about happier days gave her something to hold onto. That time with Jan made me realize how valuable old friends are. We had invested so much in our friendship, so many years, so many memories,…….if something happened to her, I would lose so much that could not be replaced.

    Then, recently, since I’ve learned to use the computer, I’ve made some new friends—–some I’ve never seen in person. But they are growing dearer every day! I tell them things I’ve never told anyone else, and they’ve confided in me! We’re investing “heart time” with each other, and our friendship value is growing……so much so that I don’t know what I’d do without them now.

    We women do seem to need and crave close women friends whom we can share with and be ourselves with. Men just don’t get it. But that’s okay. God understands and gave us girlfriends. He’s smart that way.

  7. belinda

    I can relate to this because as I sit here thinking back over my life I can think of those special women who have had such an impact in my life and I am so very thankful for each and every one of them. Some come and go and others stay forever. My Mom told me and my sisters, as we were growing up she always prayed and ask God that when we grew up and moved away and started our families that God would always bring special people into our lives to be there for us when she was miles away. God has been faithful to my Mothers prayers and always had special women in my life to help me make it from one day to the next. To laugh with, to cry with and just to share special times with. To all those special women in my live, Thanks! I could not have made it without you. You rock!

  8. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Wait until you go back home for your 60th highschool reunion. I believe this was the sweetest of all our reunions. These were folks I have known since we started first grade together….and we all keep in touch, some more often than others. Both men and women…and I love each one of them. One lady and I used to make mud pies together, while one of the men and I played paper dolls. Back then, it didn’t matter whether it was a boy or a girl….as long as they wanted to play.

    Then, as we started growing up, we girls seemed to gradually notice the difference between boy friends and girlfriends. In fact, boys couldn’t seem to understand anything in the world of girls. Yet, one or two might have a redeeming feature…or so. But never for long.

    I’ll skip ahead to the married years with children. On holidays, we would have backyard parties across the yards of several homes. Badmitten, horse shoes, and the like would be set in place, along with two galvanized tubs full of ice and one with sodas and one with beer. The ladies/wives/mothers would have baked cakes, fried chicken and made all kinds of yummy dishes for the occasion. And, still there was that division between male and female. The men simply enjoyed themselves, while the women solved the problems of their families…the neighborhood…the world. Those were good days.

    Sometimes because of moving around and often because your children grow up and leave the nest…and definately when you become a widow, those special girlfriends change. Oh, they are still there…in your heart….but now, new friends have taken their place in your life as it is today. God certainly knows what He is doing, because He seems to give us special friends for every season. And, so, the computer opened up to me a whole new world…and brought forth into my life a handful of very special friends. Ones with whom I share my innermost thoughts, and with whom I have laughed and I have cried….and always keep in my prayers. I can’t imagine life without them now.

    Tori, I absolutely loved that video. I don’t know how in the world a woman makes it without a girlfriend. I mean, can you imagine trying to talk with a man about PM stress, menopause, or stretch marks?

    I love you, girlfriend.

  9. rockin robyn

    Another well timed video selection Tori! Awesome message.

    Fortunately I haven’t been dealt the cards that play lifes tough struggles. Unfortunately many of my “women friends” have. But I hope I can say that and I know it’s truly the work of God, that through my friendship, perhaps their pain and struggles have been obsorbed a bit, so as not to have them “take it” full force. Just “getting them through” divorces, to losing a child in an automobile accident, to helping them through a child doing drugs, to one recently losing a job in this great economy. Many nights of long talks or walks or just taking them away from it all and offering them some peace for a short while. I truly hope I have been that to them and knowing that if I ever needed them they too would “totally” reciprocate.

    My acquaintances are many – I love people!!! But my women friends “my sisters” are keepers.

  10. LindaB

    I was thinking about this post in the car today driving around—-why is it that we NEED women friends so badly? Especially since a lot of us have a husband nearby who’s legally bound to listen to us. I think it’s because when you confide in a man, MOST of the time he’ll say, “Well, here’s where you went wrong”, or “You know what you have to do now!”, or “You better do this right away!”. They seem to be duty driven to FIX things! Most of the time we just want a sympathic ear, not a solution. A girlfriend would say, “Gee, that’s awful,” or “That must make you feel just terrible”, or “You did the right thing, Girl!”. Or some of our most precious friends will say, “What can I do to help?”

    Of course, it’s good to have those “fix it” type guys around too! When someone breaks into your house and is brandishing a weapon, who wants a man who’ll say, “How does that big bad gun make you feel there, Buddy?”

    Just some thoughts.

  11. carsmith

    Thanks for the video. Don’t know what I would do without my girlfriends. Theresa (in Florida) and I have been friends for 47 years. It was through her that I met Momma June. We have taken trips to New York City, Colorado, Branson, Florida, Indiana, Oklahoma, Tennessee and other places and even let our hubby’s tag along. The guys are just as close as we ladies. The three of us along with Berna went to the Praise Gathering in Indiana to see our favorite singer. It’s always a bonus to spend time with you “Tori”.
    We have laughed, cried, prayed together and prayed for each other. Many of us have those friends that we haven’t seen in many years…..but when you get to spend time with them you pick up right where you left off. I’m blessed to have “my girlfriends” and thankful that God has given us a heart big enough to keep adding new friends.

  12. gracelynn

    I understand what you mean BrownEyedGirl….I’m pretty much a loner in a lot of regards. Sometimes life deals you circumstances that make it hard for you to reach out when others try to get close. But I’m like you – I’m the first one there when something happens to help out and do what I can.

  13. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Hey, I’ve even gotten around to using a female GYN. Didn’t think I could ever do that, but it’s the same old story: women just understand more about women’s inner-workings, whether it’s the mind, heart, or you-know-what’sy.

    That’s not to say that girlfriends take the place of husbands, because that could never happen. It’s like food and water….you need both to survive.

  14. auburn60

    Brown eyed girl–I don’t think your comment sounds pathetic. There was a time in my life when my girls were young,my husband was gone a lot and I worked 40-50 hours a week and I didn’t have ‘friends’. I was aware that women around me had these close,funny, involved relationships. One group of 5 even called themselves the ‘Steel Magnolias’. I was sort of fascinated by them, but didn’t really feel the need to have that at the time. For one thing I was just very BUSY.
    By the end of my day or week I just didn’t have a lot of emotion left to invest in anyone else. I got a lot of support from work relationships and when my family was all together, I felt like we needed ‘our time’. I really examined my feelings about female relationships at that time and thought for a while it must be a deficiency in me–but after a while I found that I wasn’t willing to put in the time to pursue ANYTHING else.
    I’m not explaining this well–but I believe God sends you who you need when you need them.

  15. belinda

    Boy has this blog ever hit home today. I don’t know what I would have done without three very special women in my life today. We hung in there together, praying and believing that everything was going to be okay and it is. God is so faithful to have blessed me with these three wonderful women. Thanks!

  16. BrownEyedGirl

    Gracelynn and Auburn60 – Nice to know I’m not alone :o) I, too , am fascinated by the close relationships that I see, it’s just not for me. I am very unique :o) and don’t quite fit in to any certain group – therefore my best friend , someone who is always there for me – God! I’ve never had a better friend !

  17. gracelynn

    Amen BrownEyedGirl – He is the best friend out there!

  18. themema

    Friends of ours went to Kosovo as missionaries to teach farming and dairying for two years after their retirement. The lived in conditions that would have been classified in this country as below poverty level. Things that we consider basic needs were unavailable.

    Upon their return, I asked Mary what she missed most about life in Kosovo. Without a moments hesitation she replied, ‘My women friends”.

    The women of the past knew the importance of the sewing circles and quilting parites. I have been blest with long time friends, and newer friends. I have been blessed beyond measure by their faithfulness, and the joy they have brought to my life…. and to my sanity, at times. Their value is far above any thing that I could own.
    I wish that I could call them by name right here.

  19. Phyllis R

    Wow, I am a bit late reading this blog. Been a wild few days lately. I am in the group that just really doesn’t have friends. Don’t get me wrong, I have people in my life that I consider “friends”, but to have that bosom buddy…I don’t. I am sure this is going to sound really garbled and may not make any sense, but here goes. :) It isn’t that I am anti-social or a hermit or anything like that. At the end of the hospice day I am spent and love to retreat to my home for some re-grouping so to speak. I am not in the patient care part of hospice, but the paperwork that comes across my desk and the information I have to read can get rather stressful at times, so I go home re-group and start over the next day. :)

  20. grfdave

    A bit late to read this and perhaps not as deeply touched, but….

    I AGREE WITH THE TITLE!! (runs back to mommy!!)

  21. FAV: Friend Edition (ha) « Angel in Bloom

    […] I was catching up on all the blogs I read this morning, I came across a video posted at Babybloomr that I think sums it all up perfectly. It’s a reading by author Kelly Corrigan, and man, […]

Leave a comment

If you have already registered an account with us, log in to post a comment.

If you do not have an account, please setup a username to confirm you aren't a devil-spammer-from-Hell. A password will be sent to the email address you provide.