babybloomr

(Too much?)

I suck at sucking up.

OK, I’ll level with you. I want something.

Here’s the deal: Over the years in therapy I have noticed that even though I am totally a big fat show off one-on-one or in small groups, (I’m picturing lots of heads vigorously nodding in agreement here) I often have a hard time kind of putting myself out there on a large scale. Go figure. I sometimes get inexplicably intimidated, or uncharacteristically shy. Like for instance, BlogHer (hello, I ate lunch in my room, remember?!) Or say… the internet. I’m just not very good at self-promotion; self-deprecation is more my style, it’s easier on the ego! But let’s face it, sometimes you just have to get over yourself and go after what you want, right?

(This is the part of the pep talk where you guys all yell out, “RIGHT!!!)

So… I was recently made aware of the fact that a Very Important Blogger (that I am just crazy about) casually mentioned on her website that she nominated me (among many, many others) for a “Bloggie Award” for ‘Best New Weblog’! I was totally surprised and embarrassingly thrilled. And after noticing that a lot of bloggers were blatantly asking their readers to vote for them, I decided that, hey, I could do that too!  This is the only year I’ll ever qualify as a New Blog and though it may be true that I’m not very good at shameless hucksterism, that doesn’t mean I can’t learn.

Now you are probably asking yourself, “What can I possibly do to help Tori achieve the first step in her quest for total blog world domination this modest honor?” Well, I’ll tell you! You can go to the Bloggie Award website and scroll to the right until you come upon the ‘Best New Weblog‘ category. Then you can type in ‘Babybloomer and this address: http://babybloomr.com/. How easy is that?

You also have to vote in at least three other categories for your vote to count, so though FAR BE IT FROM ME to try to sway your vote, I could offer a few suggestions for very worthy blogs that would fit nicely in categories such as “Best humorous weblog” or “”Best writing of a weblog”…  For example, BusyMom, Suburban Turmoil, and of course, Joy Unexpected.

Well, that’s it. Come on people, even though who am I kidding, there’s no way in the world this could work let’s make this happen! It’s time for Change We Can Believe In and Reform, Prosperity and Peace and… a whole lot of other stuff! Now let’s get out there and vote! Go Team Babybloomr!

(I’m also not above offering bribes. I’m just sayin’. There could be a lot of money in this for you. Also candy, lots and lots of candy. And possibly a trip to Europe.)

Here, I’ll give you a little taste:

How about some… KITTENS!!!!!!

Yep, that oughta do it.

**Stunt kittens Owen and Rhys courtesy of Daniel The Computer Genius Nephew.

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(This post explains a lot about the way my mind works, not that you asked. My interior monologue is not exactly what you’d call ‘linear’, unless the lines happen to be drawn by a crayon-wielding kindergartner with ADD. No, my mind is more like one of those cornfield mazes you see around Halloween, and also? Kind of like a movie popcorn maker with kernels exploding all willy-nilly and ultimately pushing the top off and spilling out all over the place. To mix metaphors. Which I do, on a regular basis.)

IT SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE THIS (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

1. “What is the deal with all of these moms dropping their kids off in full makeup and their hair all tidy (read: “actually brushed”) and what-not? The moms, I mean, not the kids, that would be weird. They also appear to be wearing real clothes instead of yoga pants and a tank top topped with their husband’s too-big leather jacket because they were too lazy to go find their own. A lesser woman might feel all dowdy and inadequate.”

2.”Whoa! Two cop cars with flashing lights on the side of Hillsboro Road! 8:00 a.m. seems a little early for a traffic stop, maybe it’s a drug bust. Who am I kidding, this is Green Hills. Lighten up officers, it’s the morning commute, how fast could they be going?”

3. “I just love that perpetually-khaki-pantsed kid that walks down the hill with his dad every morning to catch the bus. How cute is he?! He’s sure gotten taller since last year. Wonder why his mom never walks him to the corner. His dad sure seems to enjoy it, though, they talk a lot. That kid always smiles and does that head-nod-acknowledgement to me instead of waving– bet he grows up to be a politician of some sort. Like a mayor. He’d make a great mayor, I bet. What with the khakis and all. He’d need a blazer though. Oh well, he has time to get one before he becomes mayor, he’s only like, what? 13? Yeah.”

4. “Buzzards? Are creepy. I know that they are nature’s garbagemen and all that, but you know, even THEY look kind of guilty and furtive while they’re standing around in a circle munching on roadkill. It’s like they’re saying, “Look, I know this is disgusting, but I’m a buzzard for crying out loud– this is what we DO!” And what is up with those hairless, wrinkled red heads? They should get some of those Southern gospel quartet hairpieces. Wouldn’t that be great– a big ol’ turkey buzzard with Jake Hess hair?! Ha! I would love to see that!”

5. “THERE’S that sign for the $10 Christmas tree removal service! That’s gotta be the same guys I used last year. I need to write that number down… dang, why can I never find a pen in this car? I’ll just memorize it: 828-53… oops, too late. They need a bigger sign. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

6. “I swear, I don’t care what the speed limit says, nobody actually goes 35 mph when they’re driving through a residential neighborhood! They really  should, though. I mean, I do, but that’s because I have an authority complex. I also never stand in the 10 Items Only line at Krogers with 11 items.”

6. “It looks like every house painter in Brentwood (and they are legion) stops and gets their morning coffee at the Granny White Market. Most of them are Hispanic. I love hearing them laughing and talking in Spanish while I stand in line to pay for my Dr. Pepper healthy breakfast-type beverage. If Madi was here I bet she could translate. Wonder how you say ‘yoga pants’ in Espanol?”

7. “There’s good ol’ Brentwood Academy. That school totally looks like a horse farm from here. Uh oh– I need to call the office and tell them Madi isn’t coming today because she threw up last night. Actually, that’s probably too much information. I’ll just tell them she’s sick. Poor baby, I hope she’s still sleeping when I get home. And PLEASE GOD, don’t let me catch it!”

8. “Wonder how long I can keep my big ol’ lighted Christmas angel on the front porch before it crosses that line from ‘still in the holiday spirit’ to ‘lazy homeowner’? I’m gonna go plug her in right now…”

9. “Snagging my newspaper while I pull into the driveway is kind of like playing polo, only with a car instead of a pony. I’m actually pretty good at this, but a pony would be more fun, right?”

10. “HOLD UP! Is that actual sunshine I am seeing breaking through those omni-present rainclouds we’ve had around here for three days??!! I am SO going to Zumba!”

(Aaaaaand… SCENE!)