Dear Momma Lloyd:

I know you love him and everything, but I’ve got to tell you– your Russ is a big fat LIAR! Also? His pants are on fire.

You sent him a beautiful homemade red velvet cake for his birthday, for which all of us are extremely grateful. (Dear readers: if you ever get a chance to eat one of Momma Lloyd’s cakes– TAKE IT!) The box arrived a couple of days early, and we all walked slowly by it, gazing longingly while waiting for today, Russ’ birthday, to dig into it. Yesterday he suddenly told me that he decided it really wouldn’t hurt anything if he had a little piece a little early, because he was tired of waiting to dive into that red velvet deliciousness, but I said, “WHOA, slow down there Junior, wait for your dang birthday so we can put candles on it and sing Happy Birthday like God intended, and also get lovely photos to show Momma Lloyd.” And he agreed.

I thought.

Tonight I made him an incredible dinner (if I do say so myself) . He opened his presents (a complete boxed set of all of the Second City Television episodes– I rock!) and laughed at his birthday card from the girls  (OK, it was a fart joke) but when I went out to the kitchen and opened the box to unveil your masterpiece, it was empty. Russ oh-so-casually said, “Forgot to tell you, I took it out and put it in the fridge, I’ll go get it.” So I bustled around gathering up the fancy-schmancy tie-dyed candles (a 5 and a 6– he’s old) and a knife and some plates and then when I walked back in to the dining room THIS is what greeted me:


Waiting is not his strong suit. And you know what else? He wasn’t the least bit sorry!


Luckily, I was able to rise above the horror of his ill-bred behavior and recover enough to eat a piece the size of a small moose, so it’s all good. But next year… I’m gonna hide it!

Thank you again, sweet, sweet Momma Lloyd. Your gift was so appreciated, even if it did produce such temptation that it caused Russ to lie and  sin and possibly  go to H*E*Double Hockey Sticks as a result. You might want to double up on your prayers for him.



51 Responses

  1. bettyrwoodward

    lol! The cake did look lovely and glad that you had the birthday meal together.

  2. delightedabroad

    First of all: Happy Birthday, Russ !!!
    Tori, I agree with you – you better hide the deliciousness like all other gifts… :-) and I can very well understand your indignation. However there is a side effect: we learn that your beloved husband is just as ‘normal’ and easily tempted as those (like us) who are not such illustrous singers. So this story helps us not to put him on a pedestal.

  3. rachelbaker

    A belated Happy Birthday to Russ! I keep hearing about Momma Lloyd’s cakes and to be honest, Im not sure I would be able to keep myself from eating a slice early … but don’t think I would stoop so low as to lie about it(!!)

    56 – that means he catches up with my Dad (for about a month). BTW everyone it’s Mum’s birthday on Friday, but she’s older!

  4. jonny

    Where there is no trust, there is no relationship! I’ll start praying, neigh, (nay?), fasting for the both of you, ASAP!! I think it may be too late to pray for his poor, lying, gluttenes soul, but I’ll target your few remaining years together. He is 56 after all!

  5. Chubs

    OK I haven’t responded to a post in a LONG time. But CHUBS is back. Russ I fully support your not being able to wait. It looked really good. Besides it was YOUR birthday. As birthday protocol would suggest, the birthday person (politically correct) can do whatever he or she wants on their birthday. Russ you want a piece of cake, then by all means you HAVE a piece of cake!! Happy Birthday!!

  6. LindaB

    You mean to tell me that a GOSPEL SINGER of such respectable status, who hangs with Bill and Gloria G., and listens to the “Trumpet of Jesus”, actually LIED and then showed absolutely no remorse? And then waited days before his own little hungry children and long suffering wife got a piece………while they were getting candles and birthday cards together for him on his day?? Stop the presses! But then again…… WAS one of MommaLloyd’s red velvet cakes, of which I have sampled myself and have to say that I’d lie my butt off to get a piece too! So, I say……let grace abound.

    And a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Russ……slightly belated. I hope you get my birthday cake soon….. I made it just for you…..I mailed it Monday…..I hope it doesn’t get lost in the mail. Okay, I’ve gotta go and put this fire out in my pants! Four alarm even. Can you see the smoke?

  7. MostlySunny

    Red Velvet! Oh my! Don’t blame you for sneakin’ a piece. Happy Birthday to you…*humming and singing*

  8. grfdave

    SCTV?? I had forgotten that show! Good choice. and cake???? I do think most men are alike because I cannot wait for any kind of present, edible or not!

  9. LindaB

    I’m glad you didn’t try to put fifty six separate candles on that cake and then light them!!! That’d qualify as a “forest fire”, wouldn’t it?

  10. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Bless his little sweet heart. Y’all stop picking on my Russ….and try to find something good about this story: he didn’t eat all of it. How generous is that? Thank you for sharing Russ’ Happy Birthday with us.

  11. LindaB

    Okay, MommaLloyd, I’m thinking!! Well, NOW I know who to kiss up to when it’s getting near MY birthday!!!!

  12. auburn60

    I was thinking the same thing, Linda. Aren’t both of our BD’s in Feb.?
    We’ll just meet at Tori’s and wait by the mailbox for our cake.I’ll be glad to share with you as long as we get RED VELVET cake!

  13. delightedabroad

    Uhh, Tori, what was that with those ‘pants on fire’???

  14. LindaB

    It’s a date, Alyson! That may be the only way we get a piece!!

  15. delightedabroad

    Oh, btw a little update: if our principal agrees with my French teacher it will do. Meaning I don’t have to rewrite the test but can improve my marks during the oral exam. Anyway, I need a 3 next week for the general translation (in contrast to the economic one of last week).

  16. Sheena

    Belated Happy Birthday Russ!

    Lol Tori. This entry did make me laugh. Definately hide it next time! It looks absolutely delicious.

  17. tori

    delightedabroad– That’s an old schoolyard taunt that goes, “Liar, liar, pants on fire!” I have NO idea what it means, but it’s a great visual. Also? Not a bad idea…

  18. delightedabroad

    Yes, what a picture… :-/

  19. LindaB

    ““Liar, liar, pants on fire!” I have NO idea what it means, but it’s a great visual.” — Tori

    If it were true, Washington, D.C. would have perished in a fire long long ago! I imagine it could have been seen from outerspace!

  20. jonny

    How can one tell when a politician is lying??

    Their lips move.

    Well… My birthday is in February also… But have never even heard of, or seen a red velvet cake until now… = /

  21. rockin robyn

    Happy belated to you… happy belated birthday to you… happy belated birthday dear Russssssss! happy belated birthday to you. That’s the only singin you’ll hear coming from me in public!

    Hope Russ had a great day with his family… and the cake – how awesome! Question is did Russ get another slice to eat with the family or was he sitting in the corner watching you all tear into it, because he was bad and lied.

  22. gracelynn

    You forgot “Nose is as long as a telephone wire!” ROTFL

    Glad Russ had a wonderful birthday. You deserve it, big brother!

  23. jonny

    We used to end it with ‘Hanging from a telephone wire,’ but ‘Nose as long as…’ seems to work better with the context!

  24. jonny

    Oh, good morning and…


    Hope it’s a good one = )

  25. justThelma

    So Russ’s birthday was Nov 11? Belated Happy Birthday wishes to him, and for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have been able to resist that cake either. It looks YUMMY!!!

    Today is my birthday . . . but I’m not 56. And the only way I’ll be having a home-made cake is if I make it. Which means I’ll be stopping by the bakery later today when I’m out.

    And Happy Birthday to Betty! I guess this makes us birthday twins. Hope you have a wonderful day!

  26. bettyrwoodward

    Happy birthday Thelma. I doubt the twins as I just I’m a lot older than you!

  27. jonny

    Wow, this just gets better and better!! Happy Birthday ‘just’ = )

  28. delightedabroad

    Happy Birthday, bettyrwoodward and justThelma !!!

  29. LindaB

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY AND THELMA! Many happy returns of the day! (I don’t know what that really means—–sounds like you got stuff for your birthday and it doesn’t fit or something and you have to “return” it……happily!)

  30. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Happy Birthday, Betty Woodward and Just Thelma. I hope you can feel the warm birtghday wishes coming yhour way from the group here. And Thelma, put a candle on that cake as soon as you get it home…then when you blow it out, think about all of us back here with our lips puckered up trying to help you blow out that candle…and then giving you a big ole kiss right on the choppers. Gracious, I knew I was going to carry that too far…and I was sure when I saw Betty Woodward leave the room.

    Happy Birthdays, girls (that’s my present to youse)

  31. Barbara M. Lloyd

    Gracious, I just came back and read what I had written. It was meant to be funny…but it sounds so dumb. Where is the delete button when it is needed.

  32. jonny

    FWIW, worked for me. I think my, supposed to be funny, post may have come across too hard. Tone is not always my fortay with thesee things = / BTW, for some reason I’ve been missing everyone a lot this weekend. Hope all you Bloomr posters and readers are doing well!! Peace!


  33. delightedabroad

    jonny, I feel with you – in fact I intended to write a bit after my advanced training on saturday but instead I got a bad cold/sinusitis. So this week I’m on sick leave (is that the correct expression?) and will presumably have time.

  34. BrownEyedGirl

    Happy Belated Birthday to my favorite Gospel singer :o) As for the cake, he may be guilty, but look at that face !

  35. jonny

    “but look at that face !”

    He does seem awfully pleased with himself…

  36. delightedabroad

    If I had such a cake right now I would dig into it without hesitation !

  37. delightedabroad

    Helloooo –
    I don’t have the habit to monologize but I’m waiting for someone to talk to…

  38. delightedabroad

    Uhh, I guess it shoud be ‘the habit of monologizing’, right ?

  39. jonny

    I’m still trying to figure out what that mono-something words means!! ; )

  40. delightedabroad

    This is what I found for ‘talking to oneself’…

  41. rachelbaker

    OK, I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that the word monologue is like the word dialogue (so single not between two people). This means ‘monologize’ is not in fact a word. You could have written ‘I am not in the habit of talking to myself’ or even ‘I am not in the habit of (performing) monologues’. I’m not trying to be pedantic, just hoping to help with your English!

  42. delightedabroad

    Many thanks, rachelbaker ! It would perhaps be better not to rely on Leo (internet dictionary) – thus far I had the impression that it is useful for English (definitely not for French!).

  43. jonny

    I knew what you meant though, delighted!! Do I get plus points for that?? = )

  44. delightedabroad

    Mince alors ! I knew I should better trust this feeling inside… you screwed me !

  45. delightedabroad

    What do you think – plus points for screwing somebody ???

  46. delightedabroad

    Actually I could possibly give you a plus point – for making me laugh !

  47. jonny

    Cool. I’m desperate. I’ll take it = ) What’s that about beggers not being choosy?? Did I spell ‘choosy’ correctly?? = /

  48. delightedabroad

    Yes, sir. correct. Btw, how are you ?

  49. jonny

    Good. Actually got a lot of ‘little things’ done today I should have done for some time. Also, treated myself to a DVD player, so hope to catch up on some old films and American TV shows I have soon-ish. Also getting ready for my yearly Chirstmas in a club happening. Sort of special. This year we will have more Christians performing on the club stage in one night than in its 16 year history of existence. And speking of 16 years in existense, the night we do this will be the same night the very first bands ever played on that stage 16 years ago!! Always interesting, to say the least, about how God works = )

  50. delightedabroad

    And what an honour to work for Him ! Sounds like there will be an unprecedented event.
    Oh my, my English today is weird at least; I thought this medicine is herbal only !

  51. jonny

    Herbal usually works best for me as well!! Oh, did I actually just say that out loud = / Embarassing, to say the least!

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