Why It’s Not a Good Idea To Eat Three Slices of Bacon and Half a Pomegranate Right Before Bed.

Last night I dreamed that I had a playdate with two fellow bloggers, Suburban Turmoil and Busy Mom.

That premise is bizarre on several levels– not the least of which is, hello, playdate? My kids are 16 and 12, Busy Mom’s are around the same age, while SubTur has a preschooler and a toddler! But the weirdest part is that in my dream, we are all sitting around someone’s lovely living room (details were fuzzy, but I think it was Lindsay’s) and suddenly someone (again, fuzzy, but I think it was Busy Mom) casually starts rolling joints!

Yes! I am not even kidding.

So, in my dream I’m just sitting there watching these two lovely ladies getting ready to break out the blunts, and I’m having this whole existential conflict inside myself about the fact that  A) I am SO not a pot smoker! At all! and B) I really admire these two women and want us all to be bloggy BFFs. They both live here in Nashville, they are really funny and smart, they have both been very welcoming and nice to me and also, come on– I partied with these women at BlogHer while wearing a McDonald’s bag on my head and that, my friends, is a bonding experience. However no controlled substances were involved at CheezburgHer, nobody got drunk and threw up in the hotel lobby or danced naked on tables or anything. (At least when I was there!) So in my dream I was more than a little surprised when the two of them suddenly went all Snoop Dog on me.

Ok, so the three of us are just chatting and laughing, sitting on the floor leaning up against the furniture and they start passing the joint between them. We’re talking about our blogs, our kids, writing, blah blah blah. I’m sitting there with this bright forced smile on my face trying to figure out how to politely opt out of this mommyblogger ganja party without being awkward.  I keep nervously talking more and more, and faster and faster (Yeah, just like Charlotte, see last post),  and then I gradually realize that this is just their little thing and they are not really planning on offering me any.  I am SO relieved! I’m thinking, “Yay, Nancy Reagan was right, I can hang out with the cool kids and Just Say No to Drugs!”

But then… I start getting kind of cheesed-off that they just skipped right over me! I’m feeling a little offended that they didn’t even bother to SEE if I might want a little of their Acapulco Gold. Yes, of course I would have said “no thank you” (it’s called manners, people), but still. A girl likes to be asked.


And then, you know that thing that happens in dreams sometimes where you suddenly become aware that it’s a dream and you remember that you can control it? That happened! One minute I’m sitting there in a bit of a snit and feeling kinda fragile because Suburban Turmoil and Busy Mom aren’t sharing any of their drugs with me, and the next moment it dawns on me that this is so stinking weird it just can’t be true. So I turn to them all excited and say, “OMG! I am totally dreaming right now! You guys aren’t really big ol’ pot heads!” They start laughing and high-fiving me and saying, “Of course not– aren’t dreams crazy?” And I say, “Yes! And I can’t wait to blog about this!”


And then I woke up.


**OK, your turn! How about this: give me your best interpretation of my dream (a la Old Testament Daniel) OR tell me about your weirdest ones! There will be no furnaces or lions involved if you can’t make heads or tails of my dream, and also you will not be held legally accountable for any drug references that might show up in yours. (No sex dreams though, because EWWWW! I don’t want those pictures in my head!)

26 Responses

  1. louloulisa

    Tori Taff!! You just flippin kill me with your posts! You are so funny!! I wish you’d write one every day!!


  2. tori

    WELCOME louloulisa!
    (I wish I’d write one every day, too. *sigh* I’m working on it!)

  3. gracelynn

    Tori, you should be a therapist gf! That was the best medicine in the world (my sides are aching from laughing and my brother just went downstairs and looked at me like I’ve lost my everloving mind LOL). I needed that after Spirit Week at a middle school!! Those kids came very close to driving me over the edge today. LOL

    I can’t say that I’ve ever had any dreams that involve drugs but believe me, I’ve had some crazy ones myself. Like the time I dreamed I was on an inner tube and was crossing the river near our house on it. (Don’t ask!) The crazy thing is….I had a hymnal in my hand and it was under the water. (I had a piano recital around this time – might be part of the reason why the hymnal was involved. Or maybe I was baptizing the hymnbook – who knows?!?!?). All I know is I made it across the river, sat down on the shore, opened the hymnbook and start looking at the pages when all of a sudden, I get this crazy notion that savages are going to come and jump me and attack me. So I hop on the inner tube and start back across the river. I woke up before I got back across and sat up and thought, ‘What the heck was that?!’ ROTFLMBO It’s crazy how you remember those types of dreams.

  4. rockin robyn

    Oooooh far-out man!!! I’m sorry I just had to do that!

    O.K. Belteshazzar here… I’m going to try to say this without stepping on toes or anything (not knowing too much of the situation) I’m going on an assumption ((you know what happens when you assume – you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”)) Tori, that you feel the same way I do about drugs… and that is that I’m such a “goody-two-shoes” I was just always so scared to death of them or being around anyone who was enjoying them… (I remember in school if I even smelled pot in the bathroom I wouldn’t even go in there-all day)

    Having said that, I’m thinking that you may have insecurities with these two – that perhaps if your paths haven’t crossed lately you are wishing they would have, that perhaps they may be having fun without you… that you are missing that Blogher time together – just going out there and having some Tori time with the girls…. Just my take!

    I’m one of those people that say they don’t dream… now they say you dream every night but if you sleep soundly you don’t remember them. But if something broke that sleep, not feeling well or indigestion or whatever – you come to, just enough to be able to perceive the dream…

    the only strange dream thing that really stands out for me is – as a teenager I babysat all the time. I had about 4 families that I watched their children when ever the parents went out… sometimes all 8 children combined and sometimes just a family at a time… The Greens down the street from my parents had two girl twins I used to watch… I was good friends with the mom (still am today) One day after school I just had to ride my bike down to their house cause I wanted to tell Eileen of my dream I had about her. I went down and told her that I dreamt “Cork” (her husband) called me to rush down to watch the twins because Eileen has gone into labor and he was taking her to the hospital… When I told her that her mouth just dropped and she looked at me and then told me her news she wanted to tell me… they had just found out she was pregnant with their third child. True story!

  5. auburn60

    ‘ OO-OO Dream Weaver,I believe you can get me through the night…’

    OK-I love to interpret dreams.It was my favorite part of studying psychology. I’m usually pretty good at seeing the symbolism in my own dreams.

    I would say the marijuana reference means you need to look to an inner source for inspiration and not an ‘artificial’ one. Those two particular women have ‘something you don’t have’-yet. Hence the conflicted feeling about not wanting to participate and yet not even being offered the pot. Also-an ‘AHA’ feeling ( kind of unusual in a dream) ‘I can choose my level of participation-and it’s still OK–they still like me.’ I think you worked some stuff out for yourself in this dream.

    A playdate (as opposed to something more sophisticated): all of you
    have a playful,comedic approach to what you write about. It’s fun–not with the burdens of a ‘regular job’ so I think this dream was acknowledging that.Or reminding you of that.

    The only other thing that really strikes me is that you write
    for different types of publications–Christian vs. secular. Maybe some questions of acceptance in both arenas? Or how to meld both in a way you are happy with? So some ‘pushing the limits’– if only in your sub-concious?

    Alright–I’m through. Did I take this way too seriously?

  6. tori

    Ok, you guys are GOOD!
    Seriously, I think you hit some stuff on the head…
    This is fun!

  7. LindaB

    Okay, here’s my interpretation of your dream:

    There is an inner truth you are hesitant to face. The two blogging heroines of yours symbolize personal and professional acceptance to you. You want that very much, but there are limits to what you will do to gain it. Pot smoking is beyond that limit. But you will push the envelope in other areas to gain it—–you are not controlled by other people’s convictions. And yet, there is that constant nagging “inner truth” that bothers you unconsciously. And that truth is……BACON AND POMEGRANATES DON’T MIX! Listen to your stomach! Eat oatmeal for a late night snack next time to avoid all this inner angst.

  8. LindaB

    Gee Alyson! You’re GOOD! I’m not tellin’ you ANY of my dreams, Ms. Freud.

  9. CarolynR

    I think the most pressing matter to be addressed here is what happened to the other half of the pomegranate?

  10. gracelynn

    LOL good one Carolyn

  11. auburn60

    This is all making me think of that Dali painting…’Dream caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening’…or something like that.

    Linda–I love this stuff! I’m one of those people who has recurring dreams. I have one about a house, not a house I have ever lived in, but it’s the same every time I have it. I have particular dreams when I’m really overloaded and stressed and I have those ‘exam’ dreams, you know…taking a test I’m not prepared for.

    My friend in FL,who is a shrink, used to sit in my office and compare dreams with me (when we were supposed to be working). I learned a lot from him. He taught me to pay attention to my feelings in my dreams more than their content.
    Of course,sometimes I think dreams are just random synapses firing. I don’t guide my life by them or anything.

  12. tori

    CarolynR– I ate it for breakfast.

  13. LindaB

    Okay, Alyson, since you enjoy this kind of thing, can you interpret my dream I used to have all the time, but haven’t lately because I’m pretty much awake all night now! Old age, ya know.

    I used to dream that I’m rushing to school and I’m late! I am terrified of being late, so I’m really hurrying. Then I get to my locker and I can’t remember my locker combination! I’m frantically trying combinations of numbers, but nothing works! I think of trying to go ask my locker partner, but I don’t know where she is and there’s no time anyway! Then I look into the classroom, which is right across the hall, and see the teacher. I’m frantic! I want to go into class, but my homework and books are in my locker! About then, I wake up.

    So, what does it mean?

  14. gracelynn

    Linda, as a teacher, I can tell you what it means if you are in middle school and 8th grade – it means you didn’t do your homework and you are panicking because you know that the teacher (me) won’t allow you to go back and clean out your locker and find it LOLOL. The homework is buried under the stack of 70 page notebooks that your mother bought you and that you only used once – that was to draw a picture on the first day of class in math. But you know that homework you never did is in that locker somewhere. ROTFL

    It’s called stress. I have nightmares about teaching at times. My mentor Brent tells me all the time that it is because of the stress I am under trying to raise 120 kids in 90 days. Remind me sometime when we are at GF or FF and I’ll tell you some doozies! ;)

  15. LindaB

    Oh, GraceLynn, I always did my homework! Always! It’s just that I have to get my books and I can’t get the locker open! And I AM stressed! I wake up with my heart racing!

    I’m going to G.F.—–are you? You can tell me those stories when I see you! You’ll be the one with your hair pulled out, right? LOL

  16. gracelynn

    Yeah Wanda and I are leaving Thursday and it can’t get here too soon. (The kids in my classes are thrilled that I won’t be there Friday too.)

    I’m the one with the wild hairdo that looks like she’s been run over by an 18-wheeler. LOLOL If you see two exhausted women walking around, that is probably Wanda and me. ;)

  17. auburn60

    Well,Linda,offhand I would say there is a lot of anxiety attached to that dream!
    Usually school dreams have to do with performance,preparation,being anxious about ‘measuring up’,or just being overwhelmed about all that is currently ‘on one’s plate’. I’ve had that dream about a test in a Math class that I had not bothered to attend all semester and I’m panicking.
    I’ve had school dreams when I’ve just had a ‘life lesson’–usually an event not connected to academic learning, but maybe a ‘humbling experience’.
    Now I am NOT the ‘dream guru’ but sometimes I have had dreams that really stuck with me and I kept verbalizing the thoughts and feelings and images that were prominent in the dream until I saw a pattern or figured out how I felt about something going on in my life. A lot of time the literal stuff in the dream had little to do with the actual emotion I was experiencing.
    And sometimes–like Freud said–a cigar is just a cigar. :)

  18. Barbara M. Lloyd

    You guys are good. I dreamed last night that Russ Taff came to my home and performed a whole concert just for me and my dog. Betty, Belinda and Linda were outside pounding on my door and I wouldn’t let them in. I woke up this morning with one question rattling around in my head: Was I really too selfish with those girls?

  19. LindaB

    Barb, that is my current NIGHTMARE!!! I’m beating on your door, peering through the window, and I’m attacked by fire ants! And you won’t let me in.

    And yes, you are too selfish with us girls. That’s why we’re so screwed up!

    (You let your DOG in, and won’t let us in to feast on the crumbs at your table! That’s just not right on so many levels.)

  20. gracelynn

    Linda, don’t mention fire ants! I’ll be having nightmares myself! They are taking over this area.

  21. belinda

    Momma Lloyd,

    We could not believe that you would not let us in. We all three know you are the #1 Russ Taff Fan and would never do anything to change that. We just wanted to listen and be blessed. (do you feel guilty yet?) Of course, by you telling YOUR Russ to sing louder and turn the music up louder, trying to ignore us, we could hear him better. Thanks! We still love you!

    LOL Linda – feast on the crumbs from her table – that was really good!
    How are those fire fly bites?

  22. gnvburton

    Hi Tori! I attend Grace Church of Humble and Russ so blessed us with his ministry Sunday! My husband, Gary and I have been big fans of Russ since the 80’s and his ministry has blessed our lives many times over. Russ shared his testimony with us today in service. I could so relate with his story. I too was from a very strict, big named Pentecostal Preachers home and experienced the same rejection, hurt and pain. Seeking for a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, six year ago, we left my Father’s church and the that organization that he was licensed with. Us leaving resulted in complete rejection and disownment by my entire family. My heart was broken in a million pieces and I was left very hurt. In one of my darkest hours, while I was grieving my loss and walking through the forgiveness process, I cried out for God to speak to me and give me a word of encouragement. I opened His Word to Psalms 27:10. Psalms is my favorite book of the Bible and I’m sure I had read this chapter many times. But it had never jumped out at me like it did that day. While Russ was telling his testimony today, I thought of the day God answered my prayer by showing me in his word how much he really cared for me and my situation. I just wanted to share Psalms 27 with Russ, especially verse 10. I could not locate an e-mail address on his website, but I did locate your blog. Hopefully this verse and chapter will be a blessing to him as much as it was to me. Russ received an awesome prophesy today in the service. There is a fresh annointing on his life and he will be used to minister to the broken hearted. He will be a mentor and a blessing to many! May God bless your family richly!

  23. tori

    WELCOME gnvburton!
    Thank you so much for your kind words– I will pass them on to Russ as soon as he gets home today! So glad you were there yesterday, and so glad you have found a place of peace in your life. Blessings…

  24. MostlySunny

    Isn’t it crazy when different parts of our life that don’t relate at all (or aren’t even a part of our life [drugs?]), get all mixed up in our dreams and become this weird batch of jumbled thoughts that make no rational sense in “real(awake) life”. Sounds to me like you really, really, really had to go to the bathroom because of the bacom/pomegranate combo, but just couldn’t because you so wanted to see where this dream was headin’ and what the heck you would actually do! So much for inner truth and therapy…The rest of you seem to be waaaay smarter than I am!

  25. Alex71075

    Tori,you are a hoot.Everytime you touch either memories of Mamaw and Papaw,also from Arkansas,wishes for places Ive never been,Food Ive never heard of,much less eaten,Parenting skills for my own 15yr old daughter,or laughter with people Ive never met. Also ,like the Burtons above,Russ as you know,and as everyone around my lil town knows,is my inspiration to sing for the Lord.I agree with them,Russ give it all up,and you feel everyword along with him.It was one of my biggest blessings to talk with him in Shreveport.Even tho I WAS a nervous babling idiot,hyperventalating and all.Have agreat day and keep on bloggin.You are special

  26. Ben Jones

    I am sorry it has been so long. I can’t interpret this dream, but the timing is amazing. You wrote this on the 24th. On that evening when I gt home my wife had just made a fresh batch of homemade pomegranate jelly. I too had pomegranate that evening on a big ol fat slice of homemade bread, but I saved the bacon for the next morning. (Way more than 3 pieces. My son and I were getting ready to go cut some firewood, so we ate good!(No I don’t weigh 300 lbs) If you would like I will bring a jar and give it to Russ when I see him in Fresno at the end of November. I will also be bringing him some glow sticks.
    Keep On Going!
    Ben Jones

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