babybloomr

I found this the other day and thought it was so cool, I wanted to share it.

(And yes, Momma Lloyd, it WOULD be better with Russ singing, but try to rise above and enjoy it anyway!)

So yesterday I’m in Krogers (wait– is it Kroger singular or Krogers, plural? I never know), picking up something for dinner (and some actual food items, not the fancy-schmancy kind). Also toilet paper and bathtub cleaner. (Too much information?) Anyway, this was not my usual Brentwood Kroger(s), this was the one I used to frequent when we lived in our old house. It has been remodeled since we moved, so it was virtually unrecognizable as the place where I once got my wallet stolen in the frozen food aisle I used to consider my neighborhood grocer, but luckily since I am completely disorganized and go to the grocery every other day, I know Kroger(s) general layout pretty well so I could navigate it without having to ask someone in the deli department or anything. Which is good. It’s like The Amazing Race, Kroger Edition, I can find navigate my way through in record time.

Now this Krogers (yeah, I’m just going to make it plural AND singular whenever I feel like it) is located in Belle Meade, which is kind of Nashville’s version of Beverly Hills or Bel Air– old money, big estates, etc. The demographic skews a little older there, and the parking lot always has a lot of the kind of big sedans that are favored by the senior citizen crowd (and no, I am not going to name any because you might drive one. And, um, I might too.)

Anyway, apparently yesterday was Take Your Geezer Husband To The Grocery Day because DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN the aisles were absolutely clogged with liver-spotted men wearing pants up to their nipples pushing carts in slow-mo! Now before you deride me for being disrespectful to my elders, let me remind you that my dear beloved parents are both 92 years old and I honor and adore them. (Also, my mom may be short and old but I bet she could still beat the crap out of me.) But here’s the thing– it was only the men that seemed to be kind of doddering and ancient. Their wives, who all looked about the same age (even though this was Belle Meade I saw no evidence of the arm candy/second wife- type anywhere) were permed, lipsticked, dressed nicely and ACTIVE. They were zipping around picking up pork chops putting them in the basket, weighing the produce putting it in the basket, then heading briskly off in another direction. Their husbands, on the other hand, were generally tethered to the cart studying the list, shuffling along and then with no warning obliviously stopping in the fat middle of the peanut butter aisle while they weighed the pros and cons of crunchy vs. smooth– until their wives would return to the cart with five more items and fuss at them: “For heaven’s sake Henry, move out of the way, these people can’t get through!” And then they’d mutter and give their wife the stink-eye and scoot over about 4 inches. It was heartwarming.

Now I know the statistics about women living longer than men, but I am not aware of any statistics that explain why it seems like the women are almost universally so much more active and in better shape than their husbands– what is that about? Is it because the men are retired now and they kind of don’t know what to do with themselves? It makes sense that they are not as grocery store-savvy as their wives, since that was the go-off-to-work-while-the-wife-is-at-home generation. But it wasn’t just the fact that they weren’t very good at shopping, it was that they just seemed so much older and more feeble than the women. Also crankier. My mom has always said that if anything-God Forbid-happened to Daddy, she is so not interested in remarrying. “It’s one thing to grow old with someone, but who wants to take on some NEW old man?” she sniffs. After yesterday’s little outing, I TOTALLY GET THAT. Honestly, it was scary– I had this horrible vision of my future, with Russ the Geriatric Gospel Singer shuffling behind me like Tim Conway used to do in that old skit, pushing the cart, grouching about the prices and telling me to slow down already. YIKES! I swear, it made me want to rush home and make him chug some Geritol, start jogging and trim his nose hairs. 

Am I making a sweeping generalization here? Have you guys noticed any 85 year old married couples with a get-up-and-go wife and a got-up-and-went husband? Or is it just me and my Kroger(s)?