Panic ain’t pretty.
Ever wonder what life will look like if the powers that be don’t come up with some solutions to the gas/energy/global warming/dependence on foreign oil conundrum? Well, last weekend here in Nashville we got a little preview and guess what– NOT GOOD!
Apparently, (and this part is still a little fuzzy), word started spreading around town that because of the recent hurricane activity in the Gulf, the Colonial Pipeline which supplies gas from Texas to Atlanta to Nashville was out of commission. That was partially true, or at least there had been enough damage that the supply was temporarily slowed. If everyone had just carried on as usual, we would have been fine. Unfortunately as soon as RUMORS of a possible shortage got out, everybody in town just lost their shiz and started filling up every vehicle they owned all over town, as well as lugging 5 gallon gas cans into every Mapco, BP and Shell station from here to Jackson. The result? Self-fulfilling prophecy, the whole dang town ran smack out of gas! Honey, we even made CNN– we were the only place in the whole country that was having this kind of reaction and there was a lot of news footage of all of us looking like big ol’ Â panicked, grouchy Nashvillian fools, lined up for blocks and blocks trying to get GAAAAAAS. And we weren’t nice to each other, either– that whole Southern hospitality thing went right out of the window. Local police had to make sure things didn’t get out of hand at some gas stations because there were fights breaking out all over the place as tempers ran high. Line-jumpers were the cause of most of the fury, although one loyal local guy being interviewed on the news looked earnestly into the camera and said that he thought most of the culprits were “not from here” (read, ‘YANKEES’!)
I started the weekend out at about a quarter of a tank, and though everything in me wanted to join the stampede, the news of people spending hours waiting in line was enough to keep me home. Plus I was trying to be a good citizen and everything. We had houseguests this weekend, and my friend Bobby got home at 1:00 a.m. the day before they were supposed to head back to Texas because he had been sitting in a line all the way down the shoulder of the interstate with his red gas light on for almost 3 hours before he could fill up his tank at a little two-pumper station. He said tempers flared and things got a little dicey when one of the pumps ran out and there were still two lines full of people waiting. Of course, good ol’ Bobby was raised in Bald Knob, Arkansas so frankly my money would have been on him if if things got ugly.
After spending a boring quiet weekend around the house, by Monday I was ready to find some gas and rejoin the world, but alas, it was not that easy. I drove past station after station that had removed the price numbers from their big signs out front, as well as plastic-bagged their pump handles and, for good measure, wrapped the entire gas island in yellow caution tape. It was very eery to pass big empty sign after big empty sign– like that old Twilight Zone episode when Burgess Meredith comes out of the building and finds out he’s the last man left on earth. Remember that one? No? Oh well, I think that one ends up with him stepping on his glasses so he can’t read all of the books in the last library left on earth or something, which is where this analogy breaks down anyway. Libraries and glasses we got, it’s gas we’re out of.
ANYWAY, I waited in line yesterday for about 20 minutes on Franklin Road, a little smug that I had finally happened upon a station with gas and a relatively short line, and then when I was about three cars away from the pump the harried looking station employee that had been standing in the middle of the street directing traffic with a bandanna tied to the end of a yardstick suddenly started waving the two cars in front of me around her. She was making a finger-across-the-throat gesture and shrugging broadly to indicate, I guess, that she was out of gas, didn’t know why, and please don’t kill her. It took another 24 hours before I found another station, and they only had regular grade gas and would only allow me to purchase ten gallons worth.
So… does anyone know if regular gas is going to kill my car (that is supposed to only use premium)? Not that I ever do because, hello! Expensive! But I do usually use the medium grade– what’s that called, ‘Plus’ or something?– and my car has never blown up or anything, so I’m hoping that I’ll be OK. Maybe if I can find a station with Premium I’ll top the tank off with that. My days of being a good citizen are apparently over– GIMMEE SOME GAS, DANG IT! I swear, if this is any indication of what this city is going to be like in case of nuclear holocaust of anything, I think we may be screwed because it’s every man for themselves around here. Yikes. Not a tea party. More like the Donner Party.
So how is it where you guys are, anyway?
“Got gas?!”
(Fill in your own joke here.)