Mary Lynn needs… to take responsibility for the death of Jo. Her actions caused the death! (I did not…and who is/was Jo?)

Mary Lynn… spends all day making a batch of her sauce (I wish! Only if the sauce is some computer program for Finance)

Mary Lynn Needs A Border (wait a minute….is this an insult? I’m not thaaaaaaaaaaaaat big that I’d need my own border)

Mary Lynn was born and raised in Trenton, Michigan (really? but my Mom wouldn’t lie to me!)

Mary Lynn has been a member of the JCC for about seven years (congrats to me – I must have slept through the whole thing)

Hang in there Mary Lynn, and fight to get the things Jamie needs, don’t give up (I won’t give up — what is it Jamie needs anyway?…..ummmm and who IS Jamie?)

Mary Lynn … occasionally needs a hug from a stranger. (oh yeah… doesn’t have to be a stranger… I can suggest some names)

Mary Lynn …has announced that she too is pregnant. (it was all that hugging strangers)

Mary Lynn… gave birth to a baby boy (wow! those 9 months went fast…and I didn’t feel a thing!)

Mary Lynn has a new horse, (was a really tight squeeze getting him in the elevator going up to my apartment)

Mary Lynn went to Baghdad, Iraq (I did?)

Mary Lynn… really needs her fluids and morphine drip. (I guess so, if I went to Iraq, got pregnant, had a baby boy…and can’t remember one bit of it — then again — maybe I had too much morphine)

Mary Lynn’s professional competence, mediation and training skills and, above all, her attentiveness to people and their needs are superior. (awwww…you are too kind!)

I also looked up my Mom — her name is Lily.
She’d not be thrilled to see this:

1) Lily needs a survival guide because she’s just starting out (will a GPS be sufficient?)

2) Lily needs fertilizer … (sorry too late for that…:)

10) Lily needs to be permanently committed to an institution … (hey! she’s not thaaaaaaaaat bad!)

Lily needs a good home!!!! (ummmmmm… )

Lily Needs Her Eyes Examined (OK…)

Lily Needs a Bath Date (a bath DATE???)

Lily needs a reminder about underarm grooming (eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww)

Lily Needs Prayer (considering the above…I agree)

Lily is not her mother’s daughter (huh??)

Lily Needs a Nice Boy Kiss-a-Kiss-a-Kiss-a Kiss Me (will my Dad be sufficient?)

Lily …Needs To Buy A Few Bras (why are you looking?)

Lily needs summer days with high heat (sounds good – don’t we all?)

There are so very many for Lily – but I will stop with the continuing thought of SUMMER.

“Dr. Mani needs DONATIONS!”

Yes, he does! For this: http://CHDinfo.com

Now…about your dented boobs….;-)

Barb needs a family that appreciates her endearing and happy personality……….(That’d be US! You NEED us, Barb!)

Barb is: feeling like she needs to shut herself in the closet and make all the people go away…..(But we were just starting to be that happy family you need!)

Barb, you need to lube your buttons……..(I hate it when my buttons are squeaking!)

Barb needs a new guy…….(And Alyson already volunteered to help you find one!)

Barb needs a way to deal with these monsters…….(They don’t mean US, do they?)

Barb really needs to get her ankle checked today. We have a 15k next weekend. …….(Run, Barb, Run! I’ll hold your “badge” for ya!)

Barb needs to be fed a variety of foods including vegetables as well as meaty foods………(Don’t we all??)

Barb needs more brain surgery, as swelling and fluid was building up. Her brain is “very sick again” as doctor explained. Surgery is Tues…………….(And I thought it was just her head that had swelled since she won the title of R.T.’s Number One Fan!)

The local organic milk and cream supply is something Barb needs to constantly monitor…….(That’s just an excuse to see the milkman more often!)

barb needs to tone up in about 4 weeks before being reunited with an old flame-………..(So I guess we’ll be looking for Barb at the gym from now on!)

Barbs need at least a 30 gallon aquarium……(Goin’ fishin’, Barb?)

Barb needs to rest……..(Yeah! Toning up, fishing, and running the 15K is exhausting!)

Candace needs something to drink (again have you met my mother?)

Candace needs to get some dirty, hands-on experience (I hope they’re talking about gardening)

candace needs her knight in shining armor to come riding in (my husband might have a problem with that)

Candace needs a firm, consistent hand that will establish the house rules (again, my husband might have a problem with that)

candace needs a hug (is George Clooney available for this?)

candace needs to do a playboy shoot (seriously, I can’t even comment on this one)

Candace needs to find a balance (a balance between chocolate sauce and ice cream is what I am interested in)

Candace needs to wax her forehead and get rid of the nappy weave (that’s it I am switching hair stylists)

Tori this was so much fun, my mom read me your last post and I was laughing so hard I cried. Keep up the good work.

Candace

you are so right! That says it all for so many of us!

Terry needs glasses. (Which explains a lot!)

Terry Needs Braids or Dreads (He just needs HAIR!)

Terry needs only the usual level of age-appropriate guidance and supervision. His self-care and independence is above-average and he … (YEAH! Cause I’ve spent 43 years training him!)

Somone Needs to Tell Terry to Stop Sniffing Glue. (He’s married to ME! The man needs some kind of escape once in a while. And glue is cheap!)

Terry needs to step back a bit because he’s clearly too close … (I bet he wishes someone had told him this before the wedding!)

Okay, and I swear I didn’t make this one up——-

Terry needs viagra and Linda needs to get on Slimfast. They both need new PR. What a disfunctional family. (Hey! That’s not true! ‘Nough said.)

It says it all.

Here’s what I need:

What LINDA NEEDS is intensive behavioral management, (a suggestion she has successfully resisted) … (I’m over 60—it’s too late….I’m “unfettered” now.)

LINDA NEEDS your financial assistance to run a successful race. Make checks payable to:. Friends of Linda…..(Visa and Mastercard welcome too)

I recently had my eyes examined and all I see is that LINDA NEEDS a 2007 updated makeover. … (My kids must have put this on the internet. They tell me my clothes look like Mimi’s on that Drew Carey show.)

…adventures in our home are those Fridays when LINDA NEEDS comfort food, … (And Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and twice on Sunday.)

LINDA NEEDS to be able to go into a room, shut the door, and be by herself in order to get her work done. Prolonged people interaction is draining and…… (HA!!!! I’m in there eating comfort food.)

LINDA NEEDS hearing aids. (Huh???? What’d you say? Steering blades?)

LINDA NEEDS to raise just a little over $24,000. (And I have just $23,995 to go!)

Since you can’t see any injury you know LINDA NEEDS more than a bandaid. (I DO! I need $23,995! And a hearing aid.)

LINDA NEEDS to be a part of a loving, committed marriage. (Okay, this is true…….especially the “committed” part.)

LINDA NEEDS to be honest with Willy, until she doesn’t tell him the truth nothing else really … (I guess this one belongs to the one above.)

LINDA NEEDS a double lung transplant and has been placed on the transplant list. (Cough, cough.)

That photo of LINDA NEEDS to be replaced by a photo of Kash before my monitor cracks. (I beg your pardon! Double lung transplant people have feelings too.)

Whenever Linda needs a new idea, she just starts watching her dog! … (That’s why I’ve started lifting my leg on the furniture.)

“LINDA NEEDS to take her head out of her a****** and start to use it (the head, not the a******).” (Hey, I can’t even bend over to tie my shoes, much less…….well, you know.)

LINDA simply NEEDS to be removed. She sticks her nose into everyone’s business. (Okay, I’ll give you this one.)

LINDA, YOU NEED a shrink. (I have an appointment next week….I hope the hearing aid comes before then.)

LINDA NEEDS to find $50 or $100 each month…. Linda needs your help.
(Hey, double lungs don’t grow on trees, ya know!)

LINDA NEEDS space to create and display. (Which means I’ve outgrown my recliner.)

LINDA NEEDS to quit stalking Hulk Hogan! (Hey, that was a long time ago……when I was in the Clio Girl Scouts…..and I was trying to earn a merit badge. I told you Clio was rough.)

Love your blog!

Max

Max

Tammy needs a baby…(HECK NO!! once again! I’m 46 and have a 23 yr old son!!)

Tammy needs your prayers (Ok-I’ll take this one, can never have too much prayer)

Tammy needs all information by January 5th (hmmmmmm….better start informing me)

Tammy needs our help (sure, we’ll get the job done much quicker)

Tammy Needs to Know (just TELL me!!)

tammy needs to be reborn( I have been born AND born again!! how many times do I need?)

TaMmY needs more coffee! (just make that a coke—no coffee here)

Tammy needs lots of room to play (never can have TOO much room to play)

1) to develop a larger repertoire of reading vocabulary (um…I have some students that might think that LOL)

2) help with her baby ya’ll (I wasn’t aware I even had one!)

3) a good spanking (parents might agree with that one, even though I AM grown)

4) a blog (co-teacher would definitely agree with that one!)

5) to go into hiding (I AM a teacher after all – kids would approve)

6) a box of new crayons (well thanks but I teach middle school – sharpies would be better)

7) love (THERE YOU GO! Hit the nail on the head with that one)

8) to figure out a special way to deal with your stress, girl! (OK they definitely got that one right! Esp. since school starts Monday)

and 9) to go back to school (BUT I JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK!!!!!!! And my bulletin boards were fine!)

O.k. here’s the deal… up until now I believe I’ve lived a pretty wholesome life. I’ve tried to walk the straight and the narrow… tried to be a good girl and stay out of troubles way and for the last 46 years I’ve screwed up a few times, strayed off of God’s path for me – a few times but always found my way back – but I don’t know, I think this assignment is trying to tell me something:

** it even starts out rough*:

Robyn needs:

– to get some!(only men with beards need apply) “personally I
don’t like bearded men – but who told” LOL!

– to contend with male teasing “I’m not making this up…”

– some love “that’s a little kinder”

– to be replaced immediately “sniff”

– JENNY CRAIG “possibly this evil internet thinks that’s why
I don’t have a man in my life right now –
not true”

– absolutely no introduction “apparently I do”

– needs to blow up in america “Jenny Craig or no Jenny Craig –
make up my mind…”

– needs to take some notes on you guys “I was always told they
are a learning process”

– needs to organise telephone line for this event to happen
“I’m kind of getting excited that some-
one is telling me to date again…”

– needs to RELAXXX “slapped in the face…”

**all of these googles fell pretty much – one right after another to tell the story of my lonely life… sniff, sniff

and finally, when/if a new horse (or “A” horse) arrives in my suburban town…

– needs a new saddle “and I’m off”

Tori, I always liked my name… I love my mom for spelling it so special and different (I don’t like when people spell it “I” “N” but what is it with all the – how you say – not so pretty pictures attached to my name… the internet is a filthy, filthy place…

But this Robyn with a “Y” is here to keep it clean!!!

1. Phyllis needs: a new maid (I think soooooo)
2. Phyllis needs: a furever home in West Virginia (?!?!?!?!?)
3. Phyllis needs: to spill her guts to Nick on The Young & The Restless. (come to think of it..he is a cutie)
4. Phyllis needs: to see one of her counsellors (probably so. LOL)
5. Phyllis needs: to cut the apron strings! (thought I already did)
6. Phyllis needs: positive things in her life (ummmm, thought things were going pretty good.)
7. Phyllis needs: advice (Man you got that right)

This was kinda fun…thanks ya Tori

Michelle needs your help (in so many ways)

Michelle needs every advantage possible to attain this goal. … (goes along with needing help)

Michelle needs a family that will be patient, consistent, kind, loving (especially when the 8 year old is dealing with early hormonal issues and I think I’m dealing with early menopause issues)

Michelle needs quality time with Holly. … (uh, who’s Holly?)

Michelle needs to take an extended break from golf after this weekend (maybe the Wii golf…)

and my favorite
6. help mentally, help with laundry, help with packing, and help controlling Monkey Boy. (How did they know all this?)

A job!!! (Amen to that bring in on Baby, we are so ready for that)

An aide in the classroom with him? (The boy is so not going back to school)

Rehab (Maybe from all the housework and cooking he has been having to do – I think he is really ready for a job)

Playgrounds, dog runs & Museums (hmmmm not sure about the playground maybe we are going to build our own golf course and tennis courts and racket ball play grounds? Dog runs, our dogs already have that. Museum…maybe a hat museum for ALL of his hats or money clips or pens or all the other million thing that boy collects. Hey maybe that is his new job?)

A Boy (What is this????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, we are TOO OLD)

To switch shampoo brands (Leave his hair alone, he has great hair)

A new Quarterback (Maybe he is going to buy a pro football team? Maybe the DENVER BRONCOS??? Go Broncos!!! )

A place to shop (Not!!! The boy can find plenty on his own)

A dance with…..(hmmmmmmmmmm wonder oh wonder who he would pick?)

Learn about different methods to accept investors backing (come on backers!!!! I’ll take the money!!! I’ll invest it wisely, where are you, step right up! I’m ready!!!)

And deserves a lot of promotion (Yea Baby)

Make a livable home for them and their son (WHAT!!!!!) and hopes to bring back some elegance and grandeur. (Forgetting the elegance and grandeur, I’m still stuck on the son – hasn’t happened and just ain’t gonna happen folks)

All the heavenly help she can get this morning(AMEN!!!! especially on Monday mornings, I HATE Monday’s)

More credit for what she does (Amen & Amen!!! I hope the right people are reading this )

To use her brain for once?????(ouch I thought I did that)

To ask for some snoring device to quieten her down at night? (Um I think that would be for Troy, that boy can snore, but not me!)

Anger management counseling (lol you really don’t want to mess with me now )

A few of my favorites:

Alyson needs:

— lots and lots of coffee. (Every day that I live.)
–a drunken hook-up. (um,no thanks.)
–to zip it.(Lots of support out there for this one.)
–a little extra help.(Hello! Family!Let’s apply this to house-cleaning.)
–to be left alone. (Yeah,sometimes that’s the wisest course.)
–to find a home. (Another one? I haven’t gotten this one where I want it yet.)
My personal favorite:
–some sexy soldiers to escort her during her grand entrance. (Heck yeah. Everywhere. Church,grocery store,my son’s school. Nothing says ‘rock star status’ like a sexy soldier escort.)