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Dr.Mani

Karen

This post really struck home – I could have written it, except I’m not nearly a talented a writer as you, and those days are done for me. I got those phone calls, and it felt like it was way too early. My Mom died 3 years ago at 68 after complications from an extended hospital stay, and my Dad died last year at75 of a heart attack on his way home to PA from a visit up here. Yup, it was one of those calls.

Savor those bittersweet moments of good byes and reunions.

I look forward to reading more.

Uh, Ben– you aren’t related to the Penrods by any chance, are you?! And yes, I did gasp!
Good for you and your wife– I admire you.

P.S. How many of you just gasped!!!

I have been married for 29 years and live in Oklahoma and my parents, actually all of my immediate family are in New Mexico. How I wish that we were closer in miles so we could see each other a lot more. You would think that the longer you say good bye, the easier that it would get, but it does not. I think this post puts it all into perspective as to why the good bye’s are still so hard. It is the unknowning. We did not think about “the last time” when we were younger, you just expected to have more. Now, you thank God for EVERY time you get to go spend time with them. Each and every visit becomes so much more special and you are thnakful for all the little things. I can feel my Mom and Dad’s arms around me as they hug me each and every time before we leave and feel the love and know that they are praying for a safe trip and waiting by the phone to hear that we have made it. I know without a doubt that they still pray for all of us on a daily basis and always will. The heritage they have given us is something that money cannot buy. Thanks Tori for such a great blog. Our parents are a gift from God and we are all so blessed!

My Dad died in 1962. I have missed him every day since then. At 22, I was just beginning to appreciate him again after my know it all years. But the older I become, the more I realize the value to a female of knowing that her Dad loved her and had quality time for her. I have so many friends who did not have that kind of Dad and and realize that is it is a piece of their life that could never be filled.

For years, I have controlled my adult children with a threat….. “If you are not good, I’ll go first and leave you with your Dad to care for.” Works like a charm to get any thing or any behavior I want from them….

I don’t want to think about losing my parents either, my dad has diabetes and heart disease and isn’t in the best of health, although a little more than a decade younger than yours.

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people’s.

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on ‘cracks.’

They don ‘t say, ‘Hurry up.’

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don’t have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like ‘Why isn’t God married?’ and ‘How come dogs chase cats?’

When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have sn ack time before

bed time and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad. ;

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ”OH,” HE SAID, ” SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE’RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.”

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS BUT I DON’T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It’s funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.’

I treasure each visit with my parents. My husband and I spent so many years missing every other holiday so the kids would have some memories at our house. Now , as my Dad turns 70, and the wonder of Christmas shifts from things underneath the tree to the kids embracing the real meaning of Christmas, I don’t want to miss one holiday with my parents or in-laws.

Thank you so much ( hugs going out to you)

Wendy

Losing my aunt is going to be very rough on me because she has always been the mother that I never had in my own. I dread the day I get the call from my cousin (“Sis”) telling me she is gone. Even though I know she’ll be in heaven with my other loved ones, the letting go is going to be very, very rough. And it will be just as rough with my parents as well. I can still my grandmother standing on her porch, waving bye to us as we drove off. It’s never easy to say that last goodbye on this earth. But at least we have the assurance that that goodbye isn’t final and that one day we’ll see them again and never have to face saying goodbye anymore.

Mostlysunny–(Welcome!) My parents have a running joke/feud about who gets to ‘go’ first!. I can’t even picture them not together, it will be SUCH an adjustment for the one that’s left.

Busymom–Thank you. I know you’ve walked that road.

French66– (Welcome!) So glad you found me! I wonder if it is especially hard for us ‘babies of the family’ to accept the thought of parents dying…? Probably not, but it kinda feels that way sometimes.

LindaB– OK, the picture your words painted of your sweet dad bowing his head made ME cry. What a poignant image. And thank you for your encouragement.

Phyllis S– (Welcome!) I agree completely– if this life was all we had, how would we bear the thought of our loved ones just disappearing into nothingness?

teegees–That was such a beautiful compliment. Thank you.

auburn– I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU MEAN! We have had car-packing episodes that looked just like that!

rockin’ robyn– Bless your friend’s sweet heart. I always think it must be especially difficult to lose someone on a holiday or special occasion.

The Gospel Station– (Welcome!) Way to go Madi for sending you this way! I’m so glad you have ‘driveway memories’, too.

Thanks, to all of you guys.

Rick Cody

I just spent about 5 hours with a very dear girlfriend of mine last evening – who just lost her mom… Her mom was a neat neat lady, 89 years and past on one day before her birthday and on the very day of her late husbands birthday. Think of the birthday celebration that was “in that other place”… What a welcoming home party that probably was!

But Tori you are a beautiful person and God sees the purity of that – that is what inspired this writing to come out… He will be with you always when that time does come but for now just enjoy knowing that your parents know you love them while they are here.

Blessings on Madi for “pushing” mom to take this trip! This Taff family is really a special bunch!!! Truly!

You are right busymom, it is OK.

Enough tissue used today, now lets smile and Thank God for Everlasting life.

I used to do the same thing you did—–I’d look at my dad, who was suffering from cancer, and think is this the last picture of him that I’d ever see with my own eyes? As it turned out, the last time I saw him and spoke to him (before the coma) was at lunch in the hospital. He’d had so much chemo and potent drugs that he had no appetite. And he knew it would come right back up if he took a bite. And when the nurse brought in the tray of hospital food and set it before him, he whinced. And then he did something that I will remember forever——he bowed his head and prayed, thanking God for the food he could not even swallow. That was so my dad! I miss him so much. His absence never got easier.

Now, I’m really a mess. I’m gonna go work in my garden—-something I believe I got from Dad. We were alike in so many ways.

I was just leaving a message for Russ while looking at his calendar online…and I decided to click into your blog…

Wow…I could have not written this better myself…you put into words all the feelings that I have each time I leave my parents in Texas.

I am the youngest of 3, and struggle daily with the fact that my parents are getting older.

Thank you for this wonderful piece…awesome.

Love you guys…Evan French

I’ve been there. Everytime I left my parents in CA (I live in PA) I always wondered – waving to them sitting on the porch as I rounded the bend – is this the last time? Mom’s gone now – 3 years next week. We weren’t close but still, that phone call hits you in the gut. And standing by that open grave thinking “I’ve never known life without her in it, good or bad.” Then seeing Dad trying to figure out how to live life on his own after 57 years! It’s hard and weird…but we do make it through. Blessings…