So sad to hear what is happening with this couple you shared. While I was reading this, the first thing that came to my mind was, does she possibly have dementia?
I will be praying for this couple.

I also do not understand how ladies get together and talk bad about their husbands all the time and expect to have a good marriage. I had some friends that always did that and I would always go home wondering how they expected things to get better when they had nothing good to say about their husbands. I know some families also do that, talk about their kids spouses to them. I am so thankful that I have never had a negative conversation with any of my family about Troy. I don’t know how anybody expects to have any kind of a good relationship, if you are continually talking down about them. That only hurts things.

Marriage is something you have to work on every single day. God has blessed me with a great husband and I am very thankful for it. Even after 29 years, we still have to work on it daily.

We had the priviledge of visiting with some very special friends this weekend. They have been married for 41 years this week. It is always nice to see people who have made it and who you know will always make it because even after 41 years they still love each other and still do stuff for each other.

Your neighbors might be surprised what kind of an attitude adjustement they might have if they try to say something good about each other. Sure makes you wake up and make sure that the same thing does not happen to you. Great blog as always, Tori!

First, I would like to second the idea of Tori inviting Aunt Betty to stra8ighten out this young lady (it’s my story at this point). If Aunt Betty can’t fix her, she can’t be fixed.

I always love it when any of my children speak about their spouse lovingly and complimentary. And, I abhor hearing anyone tear down their other half unkindly. It always makes you want to sock the person talking and feed the other one a cup of warm soup.

I suspect every neighborhood has a couple like your’s, Tori. Across the street from me lives Bob and Jane (names made up). Almost the first time I met Jane she started telling me all of Bob’s faults. I didn’t know one human being could have so many faults. And, she emphasized how different Bob is from her deceased first husband. Bob, too, spends a lot of time in the yard but I don’t think he does that to suit Jane either because I often see her come out and point here and there. Now, I wouldn’t want Bob either…..but he’s a piece of cake compared to Jane. Everybody on the street avoids this couple. It’s kinda sad, but it doesn’t bother me enough to make them my new best friends. However, I could invite them over on Aunt Betty’s next visit.

I know what you could do to help this poor lady——invite Betty to your house, introduce her to your neighbor as your dear Aunt Betty, then send leave her alone with your neighbor for a few hours—–tell her you have to take Madi to her silk lessons, and would she please keep Auntie company until you get back! Our Betty will get to the bottom of her problem!!! And FIX IT!!!

I’d have to say that I was glad I was married to my hubby for about 47 of those 48 years. I’d also have to say that there were times when we both had to do some serious adjusting, to both our attitudes and our expectations. But all in all, it has been a good ride.

3 Easy rules for survival.

Accept each others individuality.

Know when to Communicate feelings and thoughts…. to your spouse or to others about your spouse

Know when to keep your mouth shut… to your spouse and to others.

Your poor neighbor lady sounds like someone who may be seriously depressed and no one realizes it.

As a female I may piss some of you off by reminding you of this but the bible reminds us that the man is the head of the house and when we fall in love and get married, first we should respect that title of the husband, that he is the head and we should truly love him and stand by him… Tori your neighbor is forgetting that and out of disrespect she is chasing the love away. That is where the anger and hatred comes into play.

That’s all I ever wanted out of life and my past relationship – was to have someone to love and care for and be there for him. I sit back in my world now – single and I know that God spared me the hurt of a relationship/marriage because I look at couples like you are discribing, Tori and it makes me sad. I know it may be easy for me to say this and I’m not married but why can’t we just appreciate what we have and work out the dumb stuff that comes along. Life isn’t easy and neither is relationships but if you don’t take them for granted it will always be worth working for and fighting for.

I liken it to raising kids today. I witness so many parents who aren’t great parents and should have never had kids and then see others, so many others who try so hard to have children (and would be awesome parents) and for health reasons or other reasons they are not able to have any. Why can’t those parents that have children be the greatest parents they can be. Again just be happy with what you have, knowing that there are those who don’t have…

Tori – you preaching on marriage, well you have every right. I’ve followed Russ’s career for awhile and even through his music and as a fan I am knowledgable of the struggles but I so admire you and thank God for women like you who stand by and help keep the bond and those vows sacred to someone like myself – standing at the sidelines, waiting (not so much any more) for my chance at love to say those vows under God and be able to really really mean them when you say for better or for worse…

I agree with you that whenever you put a man and a woman together, sooner or later, they are going to disagree about some things. Heck, if you put any two separate human beings in close proximity for any length of time, even two women who are good friends, they are going to conflict. It takes WORK to make a relationship viable, and a big dose of compromise. And you have to care. I guess this couple you describe are past caring about the relationship and can only focus on themselves individually. And that’s a shame ’cause everyone’s unhappy.

I heard a marriage counselor say one time that a relationship is beyond repair when either one of them doesn’t care anymore. Apathy is more dangerous and deadly to a couple than anger or even hatred. This same counselor also said you cannot expect another person, even a spouse, to make you happy! You are in control of your own happiness! You cannot give that job to anyone else! And I think he’s right! I imagine this woman who is your neighbor is so unhappy with herself that she is desperately trying to blame someone else, and her husband is a readily available target. It’s so sad. And he may have some degree of blame in this relationship going sour, but she won’t solve the problem by continually belittling him and dwelling on his failings. Quite the contrary!

Ya know, the best advice I could ever give a couple in trouble is so simple, yet so powerful, I believe. It’s “do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. It works with spouses too!

You are so right though – men and women are different. It’s that simple. We are going to have disagreements at some point, no matter what. You cannot get two people together and agree on everything, all the time. It just doesn’t work that way. So like you said, you have cut people some slack sometimes. And I say amen to your comment that people are fragile. You can do more damage with your tongue than you can do with your hands. Take it from someone who knows.